Today we’ll discuss how the normal human being can survive on regular, “junk foods” such as chips, soda, cookies sugars and such!
I have to say that this however, is extremely unhealthy and only for informative/entertainment purposes. I do not advice that you try this, you’ll most likely end up in the hospital. Or have some pretty bad bowel movements, in the least case.
With that being said, here is the menu of necessary food consumption in the lowest form!
- Doritos/Sun Chips
- Fruit Snacks
- Veggie Staws
- Little Debbie Devil Squares
- Jack link’s Beef Jerky
- Swedish Fish
- Canada Dry Ginger Ale
- Camilla’s Kitchen Sweet (ready to eat) Belgan Waffles
- (For a small vitamin supplement) Flintstones Gummy Children’s vitamins
Above will be the list for the foods in which you would hypothetically be surviving off of. We’ll call this a for the use of an extremely improbable situation in which all nutritional foods, such as meats, veggies, grains breads etc have been somehow poisoned. Or if you’re a little more imaginative, in the case of a zombie apocalypse where you were only able to hoard junk food from Sam’s Club, or Costco, which ever your preference. Assuming you had the luxury of preference in a zombie apocalypse.
Let me first quickly explain the needs of an average human being, I repeat average human, in terms of calories and nutrition. In minimum terms, people need about 2,400 calories for males, and about 2,000 for females considering that of a moderately active lifestyle, with less or more needed for higher or lower activity levels. Since we are explaining to possibility of a zombie outbreak, we’ll go with the middle scale for calorie intake.
I’ll go over the minimum of vitamins, and minerals the human body needs to be healthy. You can skip these, since they will mostly or at the very least, at the most important sense during a major nationwide crisis such as a zombie outbreak, be supplemented with the Flintstones Gummy Vitamins. But if you would like to know about your typical requirements, feel free to read them over.
Concerning vitamins and minerals:
- Vitamin C: Men 90 milligrams| Women 75 milligrams
- Thiamin/Niacin/Riboflavin: Men – 1.2, 16, 1.3 mil| Women – 1.1, 14, 1.1 mil
- Folate: Men/Women – 400 micrograms
- B12: Men/Women – 2.4 micrograms
- Pantothnic acid – 5 micrograms
- B6(persons aged 19-50) 1.3 mil (persons aged over 50) 1.3 mil
- Vitamin A: Men – 900 micrograms| Women 700 micrograms
- Vitamin E: Men/Women – 15 mil
- Vitamin D: min. Men/Women 15 micrograms
- Vitamin K: Men – 120 micrograms| Women – 90 micrograms
- Calcium: Men/Women (aged 19-70) 1,000 milligrams
- Magnesium: Women – 310 – 330 mil (depending on age) Men – 400 – 420 mil (depending on age, more for those over 30)
- Potassium: Men/Women – 4,700 miligrams
- Phosphorus: Men/Women – 700 mil
- Sodium: Men/Women – 1,500 mil
- Chloride: Men/Women – 2,300 mil
Concerning trace minerals:
- Chrominum: Men – 35 micrograms| Women – 25 micrograms (aged under 50)
- Copper: Men/Women – 900 micrograms
- Iodine: Men/Women – 150 micrograms
- Molybdenum: Men/Women – 45 micrograms
- Selenium: Men/Women – 55 micrograms
- Manganese: Men – 2.3 mil| Women – 1.8
- Zinc: Men – 11 mil| Women – 8 mil
- Iron: Men/Women – 8 mil| Pregnant Women – 18 milligrams – source
As I have said previously those are the minimum requirements for vitamins, and minerals those which will be supplemented by the intake of kids vitamins. Not completed, for this being a crisis and survival situation, it will be hard enough to maintain, let alone maximum health for that matter.
Now on to the good stuff:
To continue the scenario mentioned above, you and your crew were able to procure the said food items listed above. Here is a general ( but not tested, this is for entertainment purposes only!) outlook on how to mix them into a diet, creating a minimal cocktail of borderline nutrition. I use the term nutrition lightly, but in the event of a global shut down this will surely fulfill you while making your way to the next health store, such as GNC.
The body along with many vitamins, and minerals known as Micronutients, needs a couple things to survive. Without these your body will most likely eat itself from the inside out until you implode. They are:
Now everyone says that carbs are evil, they turn into fat, although this is true for unused carbs, the still needs carbohydrates as it burns off them for energy. In the event of a crisis as a outbreak of numerous hoards of terrifying zombies gathering around every corner, carbs will be your best friend. They’ll be like gas to your engine, and everyone knows that without gas, cars go no-where, yes sure they have been run off of water, and french fry oil but that’s besides the point smarty, this is a serious matter!
Fiber is what helps your body digest foods in the simplest definition, and it will also help you to feel “fuller”. Fiber will also help you when you’re trying to quickly take that “deuce” before you’re inevitably eaten by the undead. As in the apocalypse, the last to poop is the first to die. Fats, good fats help with maintenance of membrane and help absorb major vitamins. Bad fats, make you fat, fats are also used for energy. Excess fat is stored in the body, which might come in handy for those cold nights, or when you’re body has no other resorts other than to dine on itself for nutrients.
Finally protein, protein is not just for body builders, it’s for all of us! Protein supply the human body with amino acids, the body needs amino acids to maintain and repair tissue. Basically, protein is what’ll help build those strong legs, to help you get away more efficiently, for the use of keeping you alive during a zombie outbreak.
So with all of this information in mind, it’s important to be able to make sure you are as an individual at least are able to ration and intake at least half of the minimum in order to stay at a reasonable peak, for survival. All the while, making sure everyone in the squad is able to also survive through the rationing of these “junk” foods. Due to the poisoning and expired dates on all fresh foods, and canned foods being a rarity, it’s become pertinent to develop useful knowledge of nutrition in order to live of the chemically preserved and packaged foods you’re able to obtain.
The daily meal plan:
Micro Nutrients: The minimal micro nutrients will be supplemented at least somewhat by the consumption of the Flintstones Gummy Vitamins. While these are not the entire requirement, it’ll surely be better than nothing in that of an zombie apocalypse. Even the existence of such in your presence, will be that of a huge stroke of luck. The nutrition facts for Flintstones vitamins:
Calories: All of these foods will of course carry a large amount of calories. While mostly bad, beggars can’t be choosers. And you’ll most definitely have to make the best out of the foods you have available in order to keep your mind and body leveled, and prevent you from feeling weak.
Fats, Carbohydrates, fiber, and proteins: We are of course speaking about junk foods here, and they are all mostly made of some of the same things. There are however, some key points to keep in mind when noting their specific nutritional values.
Key Values to keep in mind:
- Little Debbie Devil Squares
With these being snack ‘cakes’ and at 12 grams of total fat per serving, it’s obvious to see what’s at the top of the list for fat intake. Split that up to 1 snack cake a person and that’s a whole 6 grams of fat as well as an extra half gram of fiber. Score 1 for the poop chute.
With the total fat in Doritos being 8 grams per 11 chips, this makes Doritos also a decent contender for fat consumption. Considering a couple boxes of acquired 50 count 1 ounce bags, and a handful of family size packs, there’s more than enough to keep you sated in that department.
- Sun Chips
The obvious source for what would be your main fiber intake. With the dietary fiber being that of a whole 3 grams at about 15 chips, this makes Sun Chips the definite winner in this category. With the Camilla’s Belgian Waffles coming in second, at less than a gram a serving.
- Swedish Fish
Although most of the foods on the list are particularly high in carbs, with the Little Debbie’s Devil cakes being at the top of the list at 38 grams. The Swedish Fish would appear to do the job in this department, as well as supplying extra sugars needed for quick bursts of energy. The downside however, is that the serving size at 19 pieces is not effective for rationing.
- Canada Dry Ginger Ale
The effective supplement to solid foods would be non other than, you’ve guessed it, a carbonated beverage! At 33 grams of carbs per serving Canada Dry’s Ginger Ale would be a great source for carbs, calories, sugars and overall energy!
- Jack Link’s Beef Jerky
Another obvious winner, would be the Jack Links Original flavored Beef Jerky. While it might not have been the best out of all the flavors you could’ve found, at 15 grams of protein per ounce it’s the obvious and best source of protein needed to keep those muscles in top condition.
With the choice food groups mentioned above you’ll want to be sure in your creation of meals that you utilize the key factors of each of the available foods in order to insure prime nutrition in each meal. Here are some suggestions of the breakdown of meal types throughout the day, each serving it’s own purpose taking careful consideration of the time and atmosphere of the day.
Morning/Breakfast: The morning will be the prime time of the day, it’ll be the time which the zombies will be at full alert due to the chirping and ruffling of other animals, who were quick enough to survive and are trying to catch a meal. You’ll also want to start your day off at your best, to ensure prime brain activity, optimum blood flow and start off with the correct amount of drive.
Selection – welch’s fruit snacks, veggie straws, doritos, camilla’s ready to eat belgan waffles – flintstones vitamin supplement 1/2 of a gummy
This selection of thoughtful foods from your very limited arrangement will leave you at least decently satisfied, and able to start your day of scavenging and surviving, off correctly. The vitamin supplement, along with that of the fruit snacks will supply with necessary vitamin boosts to last you through most of the day. While the veggie straws and Doritos will fill you with the necessary carbs. The belgan waffles will be more of a comfort to push the awkward tastes of these various foods down, as well as fill your stomach. There’s nothing more dangerous than the sound of a loud grumbling stomach while your trying to conceal yourself from hungry zombies. This meal can also be boosted with a couple gulps of ginger ale, to add a little more to the carbohydrates center of your body, you never know what might be around the next corner.
Afternoon/Lunch: This will be most likely more of the calmer times of the day, as most likely you and your group will have taken note of the obvious zombie locations, and will have found a suitable scavenging and hold-up location for the day. However, with the makeshift meal of your waking wearing off, you’ll need something to help push you through the rest of the day.
Selection – little debbie’s devil cakes, swedish fish, sun chips, jack link’s beef jerky, canada dry ginger ale
This selection of foods will surely calm your ever growing appetite as you’ve most likely had to trek a long ways in order to find a suitable spot to rest up, and eventually find more supplies for the day. The snack cakes will fill you with fat, calories, and make you feel fuller. The swedish fish will reset your carbs and give you a little sugar. The sun chips will add to your overall fiber, leaving you able to properly dispose of your bowels while you have safe refuge. This leaving you overall feeling a little less gassy, insuring the optimization of your agility. The beef jerky will put some actual protein content, from that of actual food in your stomach, and the ginger ale will put even more energy back in the tank as well as helping to settle your stomach from this rather hodge-podge mix of treats, that has become your temporary base diet.
Selection – doritos, camilla’s ready to eat belgan waffles, jack link’s beef jerky, veggie straws, canada dry ginger ale
This selection will be your last meal of the day. It should surely be that of a good one as it might be a little difficult to gain a decent night’s sleep for the oncoming day ahead on an empty stomach. You will have most likely found your next safe hold out spot for the night, and will be tired from the activities of the day. The mix of ever plentiful Doritos, the belgan waffles, veggie straws, and jerky will fill you with a decent amount of food to offer your stomach a little work of digestion. This will keep it busy, and you asleep throughout the night. It’ll indeed be easier to catch some shut eye without your stomach waking you every 30 minutes. There is also the valid option of substituting Sun Chips for Doritos, in order to get some fiber into your system, in case you wake up to a necessary bowel movement and need to get back on the move quickly. The ginger ale is obviously your treat for the night for surviving, it wont stay in it’s bubbly state long, and will be the closest to champagne that you’ll get in case your trying to impress your significant other!
Important thing to note: If possible consume enough of an mix in order to get as close to the daily calorie intake as possible. This will be easier to maintain during the initial discovery of the food, and more difficult as it dwindles so do your best.
That is your guide for surviving in the untimely event of a national crisis or zombie attack. In a scenario where you are only able to get choice junk foods from your local wholesale department warehouse, with nothing else available. Keep in mind the necessary nutrition requirements, and when and how much to take of them and you’ll be well on your way to surviving to the next hopeful location of food storage. Disregard this however, and you will surely die! Or most likely be the one person that’s screaming “just leave me!” after you trip and fall behind everyone due to food deprivation, with a hoard of zombies on your heels.
Call yourself informed. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
nutrition facts – healthy eating| title thumbnail – zombie walk 2014/ vincent anderlucci