I call and get your voicemail, It’s expected, but I wish I hadn’t, at least not this time. I just have something on my mind, but I know you don’t have much time to talk, you’re probably at work, I know you like your work.
I don’t feel as bad today, it’s weird, but I don’t, not today. I just got home, I’m relieved, traffic was hell but it feels so good to sit down, feeling a little weak at the moment. I was looking for decorations today, I stopped on the way back to the car, a nice store with some things I thought would go really well. I laughed when I saw them, they were little shiny things, I bet your mother would like them, maybe she will, I’ll show them to you, I’ll have to.
I stopped to get a sandwich today, on the way, you wouldn’t believe, they smelled so good, do you remember? That place downtown, the new one? Well, I couldn’t resist, I’m sorry. I’ll admit it. I went without you, I couldn’t help it, I just gave in. The only thing, I didn’t eat it all, I couldn’t. I felt bad, it tasted so good, it looked so good, I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I was so disappointed. I could barely drink the water I had. I’m rambling as I do, I know, but anyway.
I can’t wait, I’m so excited, it’s coming soon, the big day, are you ready? I wonder if you’re even nervous, probably not, you’ve always been tougher than me. In fact, that might come in handy, especially right now.
I went to the doctor today, you know how I’ve been sick lately, how weird right? We thought it was just a bug. I can’t even think straight, I’m so tired during the day my gosh. Remember how we went to the vitamin shop, and we got some herbs to make me feel better? All about making preparations for the big day, and I don’t want anything to ruin it. I’m sorry, I know you said don’t apologize, but I am. I have to say it, I can’t hold it in, because It isn’t a bug, it isn’t a little thing either, I wish to heaven it was. This is terrible, I feel like I’m doing something horrible to you. The doc, you see, he said I’m sick, very sick, Hun, It’s bad. I don’t know what to say, I’m so sorry. Don’t hate me. Please.
I wonder how you’ll feel hearing this. I had wondered all the way home if you’d still want to go through with it. We’ve been talking about it for years, and now finally we have the chance, it’s here and I’m so happy, or at least I was. I’ll understand, totally, if you don’t want it anymore. In reality, how could I expect you to? It’s just, I’ve been wanting this it seems like forever, and now. . . I don’t know. I want it so bad, but I don’t want to put you through something like this. This really isn’t fair. It’s finally come, like finally you know? But now.
I don’t have long. The end of the year at best he said, and it’s the middle of July, how fun. I hate that it had to be this. Not this, anything but this. I’m still rambling, I’ve probably used up all your voicemail time. I’m shaking, my phone is all wet, I need to wipe my nose too, I guess. How disgusting right? So, anyhow, I don’t know if you still want to, but if so, I’d love to marry you, but that’s probably just selfishness, just like me I guess. I should get off now, we’ll probably talk about it, talk to your mother about it too. There’s someone at the door, I think now too.
Oh, wait. I’m trembling now, who would it be but you?
P: Elise St. Clair